Pregnancy Dangers
by LetsSingtheDoomSong
Summary: More torture for my amazing seme Dani! I am so dead when I go back to school when she reads this!


Dymond: I was reading a LeonxKrauser online & it was an m-preg. Poor Leon was knocked up due to some fucked up Umbrella experiment & Jacky boy got him preggers! The fic itself was funny as shit, but it got me thinking: what would Dani be like if she was pregnant with Reno's kid. How was she while Adale was being created? Violent or passive. Then I realized she'd be just like Leon: Violent. Leon even intimidated Albert fucking Wesker! I guess Wesker valued his balls. Whatever, so here's a fun pregnancy story of my dear friend Dani. I love you & please don't kill me, seme!

Dani: You're still dead, my lovable uke.

Dymond: Uh oh...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~(SQUIGGLES! I LUVS YOU!)

Dani was miserable. Whatever she did, she couldn't hold down any food at all! Even her favorites made her sick. LOOKING AT FOOD MADE HER SICK! She finally broke down & went to the doctors the moment she couldn't eat chocolate. They ran a series of tests to see if it was just the flu or some kind of life threatening condition, but what they announced wasn't exactly what she hoped & Reno would have to start running for his life when she got home. "Congratulations! You're pregnant!" Her doctor gave her a bright smile before having that smile wiped off his face when she grabbed the collar of his white coat.

"I'M WHAT?" Start running now, Reno. You're screwed. After calling & bitching to Rufus about her condition & sending him a death threat when he chuckled, she made a b-line for the door with one intention in mind 'Kill the Red Head'.

Reno entered Rufus' office about 30 minutes later, Dani having yet arrived to kill him which he didn't know about yet. He was clueless as to why Rufus had called him at 7 in the morning when he didn't need to show up until 9. The first thing out of his boss's mouth was, "If I were you, I'd start running." Now Reno was confused.

"What's that supposed to mean?" He demanded, giving his boss a hard look.

"You're at the top of Dani's list of targets & she's coming to collect your head," Rufus explained casually, but extremely terrified not that he would show it. "Did you ever think about using a condom?"

"What the hell kind of question is that?" Reno yelped, stepping back from the blonde.

"Might as well say this to you now, since I might not be able to later: Congratulations, you're a father."

"Oh... Did they take away her gun & knife?"

"First thing they did," He answered reassuringly.

There was a loud crash of the glass door that led into the main foyer of the Shin-Ra building & both men knew only one person having the ability to break a door off its hinges & shatter it completely when she's pissed: Danielle. "That doesn't mean she isn't dangerous still. You know how she is with just her fists," Rufus continued as Reno's eyes widened. He heard the distinct growl of his girlfriend as she stomped down the hall to kill him.

After nearly escaping death from suffocation by telephone cord & his fellow Turks saving his neck... literally, Reno was standing in front of Desi's door. She was the only one who had a child in the group although Elena is expecting but she's already gotten over her violent streak & Tseng was still alive. Little Brandon was only 2, but a handful. At the last moment, he decided against going to Desi & instead going to Jesse, Dymond & a pregnant Maggie, who could possibly be the only one's who could withstand any violence Dani delivered to them during training.

He found them later in the break area chatting amongst themselves; although he believed Maggie was talking to herself for the two ex-SOLDIERs were engrossed in a conversation about whether or not Cloud is a sponge (A/N: HE IS A SPONGE!). He made the mental note to call Cloud 'Sponge' later. "So!" He made himself known to the girls & 3 different pairs of mako blue eyes were focused on him. "You all hear about Dani?"

"That she's pregnant & the poor secretary downstairs is currently hiding under her desk in fear that Dani might shoot her?" Jesse asked & he nodded, "Yeah we heard."

"Didn't hear about the secretary thing… How the hell do I survive her violent mood swings?" Reno asked, flailing his arms around.

"2 words: Fetal position," Dymond answered solemnly, already requiring the need to assume that position some time ago when Dani turned on her.

"Gifts of chocolate work," Maggie chimed in, putting a finger on her chin & her other hand on her swelling stomach of 7 months.

"Oh! And become best friends with the word 'Duck'," Dymond added in, also having to duck, along with that fetal position moment.

"Why's that?"

"She's a Turk, she has good aim & anything can become an instant flying projectile. Even a fridge. So you're better off running for your life, but she'll catch ya."

~~~~Wootness

Reno opened the door to the apartment he & Dani shared & spotted her sitting on the couch glaring holes in the TV at a video Beth was making her watch about pregnancy. She wasn't even paying attention to the video & only going through ways to torture the girlfriend of her boss.

A box of chocolates & roses landed on her lap & she blankly stated, "I don't like flowers." The flowers were quickly replaced with a Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicles manga for her to read & enjoy. "Back rub, slave," She ordered, still glaring at the video.

"Yes, ma'am, 'Mommy'," Reno answered, kneeling down & giving her a back massage. Dani was tempted to elbow him in the jaw, but refrained.

~~~~Wootness

Out of everything that Shin-Ra has ever created, why couldn't they make a timer for when Dani's moods would switch from gentle to homicidal? From happy to depressed. Just some timer that said: Next Mood Swing: 12 minutes or something? Whatever it was Reno wanted someway to avoid having to play the guessing game & risk having a paperweight chucked at his head. He was thankful that Dymond had told him to become best friends with the word 'Duck' since that's all he's been doing lately. Why did it seem that there are always paperweights on every counter? He'd soon get another tattoo to cover THOSE scars of maternal violence. Never piss off a pregnant chick he was once told by his piers, now about to become a father, he regretted never paying attention to them.

And when she was handed a baggy of vitamins & supplements, she nearly blew a gasket. There were about 32 pills there & she was going to have to take them regularly. Also, the cut down on caffeine surely did not improve the situation at all! In fact, she was more violent with her finger just itching to pull a trigger & end the life of her tormentors. Desi sent her sympathies to Reno, but chose to stay out of the line of fire from the brunette. Dymond tried her hardest to ease Dani's temper, but again, total failure & nearly sent her howling to the panic room. Jesse, Maggie & Beth almost joined her in running to the panic room when they happened to cross paths with the decaffeinated woman.

"How you holding up?" Dymond asked, watching Reno sit on the floor & sigh & watch the apartment door for it to magically open & another paperweight to be chucked at his head. Reno shot her a look. "Right, stupid question?" He nodded & proceeded to pick at the end of his uniform jacket. "Never knew Dani was a violent person when suffering from mood swings. Makes me scared to have kids of my own, but Zack wants some..."

"Be prepared to go through hell & try not to kill him," Reno advised, closing his eyes. Dymond sat next to him & stared at the door too.

"So, why are we staring at the door?" She asked looking over at her friend.

"I'm waiting to be let in again," He answered.

"Want me to kick the door down?"

"You want to die early?"

"Only a suggestion, buddy. Well, good luck," She stood up & left the premises, not wanting to be there when Dani did open the door. When she did open the door, she was sobbing hysterically & Reno quickly pounced to her aide, hugging her & kissed her temple, leading her back into the apartment.

Time flew by quickly… Okay, it was only four months, but the signs of a baby were growing quickly. So were her mood swings, but she had a bit more control over them. People around the base made a list of how to survive a Dani-encounter.

1. Don't make any remarks about her getting fat. She can still kick your ass to Kingdom Come

2. Don't mention anything about her choice in food. They know that no sane person eats pickled eggs with chocolate, or mac n' cheese with chocolate, but did she want to hear that? Nope. The consequences are either she beats the living hell out of you, or she starts crying & Reno beats the hell out of you… or any of her friends for that matter.

And 3: Stay the hell out of her way.

Well… At least Hojo wasn't around for them to worry about. Thank you, Vincent!

"Reno, just a fair warning that if I have twins, you're gonna be castrated the hard & more fun for me way," Dani threatened, waiting for the picture of baby to appear on the screen. The doctor moved the machine over & finally found the head of the baby.

"There it is," He announced, pointing at the little blotch of white that was the head.

Reno leaned over & whispered, "We're not having twins, right?"

"Nope. No signs of twins. You're in the clear, sir," The doctor reassured since he overheard the threat earlier & he knew she was more then capable of doing it. "Well, we ran some tests like you asked & the results say it's gonna be a girl," he announced smiling at the couple.

Dani actually smiled, watching the little blotch move around lightly.

Within the next few weeks, people wanted to strangle the red-head, who was running around shoving the picture of the baby in their faces, saying 'It's a girl!' & 'Isn't she beautiful?' (Yes, I am making a reference to Maes Hughes. Rest in peace, Hughes.) Tseng had actually shot at his subordinate, so did Elena & surprisingly Rude. Reno thinks it's because he smudged his glasses.

"Can you control your cat at all?" Beth asked resting her head on her desk. Dani smirked taking amusement in the suffering of people in the Shin-Ra building that had just finished reconstruction. It's not as big as the original, but still big enough to be called a company.

"Not really."

Another 2 months flew by without warning & Dani could not see her toes. Her back hurt & so did her feet, thus resulting in Reno giving more foot rubs more often. "Well, two more months to go, hopefully," Jesse reassured, patting Dani's shoulder. Dani was currently sitting on the couch while Reno had conversations with her stomach. It was kinda funny to watch since it looked like he was talking to himself.

"Why are you talking to yourself?" Dani asked a smirk on her face.

Reno looked up at her, "I'm not! I'm talking to our precious little girl!" He chirped going back to his long discussion on how there are secret cameras implanted in the sub sandwiches they served at the deli down the street.

"There really _are_ cameras in the food?" Dymond asked looking at her sandwich that came from said deli.

Dani stood up & left the room, making Reno chase after her like a cat with a string.

~~~~Wootness

Another 2 months & Dani was close. Reno already had a bag packed for the stay at the hospital & he was running around the newly built baby room, readying everything & double checking that they had everything. It was comical really & it took all Dani had not to laugh. "Reno!" She grabbed his ponytail as he ran by, causing him to jerk back & fall on his butt. "Calm down!"

"But I can't! Adale is almost here!" They had decided to name her Adale about a month back.

Dani sighed, running her fingers through her hair. "She's not going to come any time soon. So relax!" She shouted, smacking him as he tried to get up & run again.

"I know, but I'm just so excited! She's only 2 months away & I can't wait!" He cheered dancing around their apartment. Dani sighed again & sat on the couch, her feet starting to hurt. Reno immediately attacked her feet, giving them a massage.

She unconsciously rubbed at her stomach, feeling her baby kick & apparently do gymnastics in her stomach. It was driving her nuts & driving her to the bathroom on more occasions then what she used to when she wasn't pregnant. Afternoon naps were frequent & taking breaks became a must & enforced by her group of tormentors... I mean friends.

They couldn't put her on maternity leave though because when Rufus tried he found out all the ways a spoon could be used to physically & mentally harm him. He instead settled to making her work behind a desk, which was a challenge to enforce on the Turk, but eventually they got her.

She smiled at the thought & the hell she was putting her friends through being the sadist she is. She had Reno on a tight leash, Dymond tied to her in duct tape, Beth glued to her side, Jesse & Maggie bubble-wrapped to her leg & Desi at bowing at her feet. She had found the upsides in being pregnant, that was for sure.

Dani finally dozed off & Reno covered her in a fleece blanket, kissing her forehead. He rubbed her belly one more time before leaving to get food.

~~~Wootness!

9 months finally! Reno was jumping at every cramp that Dani had, almost dragging her sorry ass to the hospital at every kick Adale gave. At least she was no longer pissed off at her lack of caffeine: her friends had all promised to by her enough soda & chocolate to survive the apocalypse. She was a happy camper!

Dani moaned in discomfort as Adale gave a sharp kick to her bladder, resulting in another bathroom rush. "Poor girl," Jesse commented as she placed down her winning hand in their poker game. Dymond & Beth cursed loudly & slammed down their cards as Jesse collected her winnings of gummy bears.

They then noticed Reno talking to Dani's belly excitedly & they had managed to pick up a few phrases like, 'Daddy's waiting!' 'You're almost here' 'You're so special!' "He's like a 5-year-old with a gun & an EMR with a comprehension of every swear word in the English language..." Dymond commented quirking an eyebrow at the overly excited redhead.

"I think he just got hit in the head one too many times," Beth stated resting her chin on the table.

"Yeah," Jesse agreed & popped a gummy bear in her mouth. That was when Dani's eyes opened wide.

She placed her hand on her stomach & said, "Either I just pissed myself, or it's time!" Reno immediately jumped into action, grabbing the suitcase & his wife & pushing them both out the door to the company cars outside. He carefully got his wife into the passenger seat & went Dukes of Hazard on the hood of the car quickly getting behind the wheel & tearing off down the street.

"Reno! You are so fucking dead when this is over!" Dani growled feeling another contraction rip through her.

"I know, hunny," Reno nodded looking at the speedometer as it hit 97 mph. The other car with their friends inside followed as close as possible behind them, all of the people inside the car thinking Reno is going to get them killed.

The hospital wait was totally fun! And by fun, I mean they got so bored that the only entertainment that arrived was Jesse verbally abusing one of the nurses about Dani being a good mom & Reno being a good dad. They thought that Dani wouldn't be a good mother just because of her occupation & they though Reno wouldn't be a good dad thanks to how he looked -tattoos & his hair-, but thanks to the verbal abuse she got it changed her mind.

Dani paced around the hospital room as the contractions attacked her insides. Reno chased after her in an attempt to have her sit down, but no such luck with the brunette. Beth decided to read an outdated magazine of Cosmopolitan. Dymond & Jesse played 'Thumb War' whilst insulting the nurses & doctors behind their backs. "You know. I just realized something," Dymond said after a few minutes.

"Yeah?" Jesse pinned Dymond's thumb.

The younger girl removed her thumb from the pin & continued, "Doctors are just like lawyers!"

"How so?"

"Well, the only difference is lawyers just rob you, while doctors rob AND kill you!"

"So basically, you can never be a good doctor until you fill a churchyard?"

"Yep!"

"That's comforting!" Dani growled at the two feeling another contraction rip through her. "SHIT!" She screamed & sat down on the bed.

"Sorry, Dani," Both Dymond & Jesse chorused.

Finally, the doctor entered & ushered the other 3 out, keeping Reno in the room to give Dani a squeezing hand. During the whole 30 minutes, they heard girly screaming from someone, but they weren't sure if it was Dani or Reno. They guessed it was Reno…

Then silence.

The girls stood up & inched toward the door to hear what might have happened to cause the silence until a baby's cry erupted. The crying for another 5 minutes before the cries subsided & the door opened. The doctor stepped outside & motioned for them to come in. Jesse was the first to enter the room.

Nothing stopped the 3 girls' smiles as they saw the baby girl in Dani's arms –her looking high off drugs or something- & Reno holding both close to him. His hand looked black & blue with a little bit of yellow, but that didn't matter.

Dani whispered to the little girl, "Hey, Adale."


End file.
